A Heart Locked in Frozen Winter
by Zara Allegra Vespertine
Summary: Satsuki Shishio is struggling hard after breaking up with Suzume Yosano. Weeks of doubt, uneasiness and lack of self-confidence forced him to re-examine his true intentions toward Suzume. Breaking her heart was not an easy thing to do, especially if you see her everyday. He considers it as punishment for failing her. A multi-chapter series in bits and pieces from his POV.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**

**Hirunaka no Ryuusei is a shoujo manga, which I am currently following. It's more angsty and has a lot of drama, though it does have its few doses of humor put into it. But in my humble opinion, the author's best feature in this manga is her way of making such complicated twists for our major characters. **

**I normally root for the original couplings, but I find that in this series, I am leaning more towards the **_**other **_**guy. I guess because I am appalled by the lack of restraint and stupidity being practiced by the first guy. But his stupidity and inconsistence with his feelings towards the heroine made him a perfect subject for my angst-driven mind. I LOVE drama. Hence, Satsuki Shishio is a perfect POV for my first entry for this charming work. **

**Do check out this manga if you happen to just stumble upon my work. I may be putting some spoilers here, so be warned!**

**This POV was influenced by Ch 46 of the ongoing series**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my ramblings here.**

**Breaking Up is a Hard Thing to do**

Her Uncle's words still rang in my ears.

_With your status right now, do you think you can make her happy? What would happen if I'm not the one who found out about your relationship? Can you really come and comfort her immediately when she needs you the most, when she's sad or in pain?_

Just realizing what his words mean are like small knives being plunged on my chest over and over.

And yet, the gulf that stretched between us seemed to ring louder in my head than her Uncle's words.

I pushed open the door to my classroom, my eyes automatically trailing to her seat.

It was empty.

It took all of my strength not to blurt out and ask where she is. Is she hurt? Sick? Or was she too broken-hearted to come and attend her lessons for today?

_I'm the one who caused you too much pain. _

I casually strode over to my desk and began my regular roll calls. But when I called out her name, only silence greeted me.

"Um, Sensei, Yosano is absent for today due to a fever." Someone volunteered to answer.

"Noted." I muttered as dispassionately as I could, crossing out her name from the student list. My pen hovered hesitantly over the paper, and I sneaked a glance and saw Mamura glaring at me from his seat, before turning away to look at the window.

Likewise, her friend, Yuyuka Nekota was looking at me with a disappointed expression. When she caught me looking at her, she slid her blank expression on and continued to stare back at me as if I never existed.

_They knew what happened between Yosano and I._

I continued with my roll call, visibly shaken inside; ashamed even. I am an adult who should have known better. An adult who is supposed to have better grip on his emotions. But I am ashamed to categorize myself as an adult because I feel like a kid crying inside.

_Chun-chun deserves a better someone rather than me. _The twisting feeling on my chest stayed with me the whole day.

**A/N: Let me know what you think. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

**This is a series of Satsuki Shishio's POV as he ponders about Suzume Yosano, a highschool girl he fell in love with but was forced to leave alone due to the inappropriate circumstances of being her Homeroom teacher. **

**Do check out this manga if you happen to just stumble upon my work. I may be putting some spoilers here, so be warned!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my ramblings here.**

**Pigtails and Flowing Hair**

There was a time that I believe that majority of the girls are immature. I've had my share of awkward moments with such girls as I was growing up; more so when I started my university days and when I made my career as a teacher.

They viewed things with such wide-eyed wonder through rose-colored spectacles. They believe so much about love at first sight, first loves never die, or everything will be all right as long as they are in love. But when they crash and burn, they turn vengeful and cynical, unreasonable sometimes.

The first time I saw Chun-chun again, I was struck by the difference a week makes after not reporting to school due to a supposed _fever_.

_Suzume Yosano turned from a girl into a woman._

Everything still looks the same from a normal bystander's point of view. But from a conflicted young man like me who is torn between doing what is right and proper to being hopelessly, addictively, in love with her, the subtle changes hold a deeper meaning.

Suzume Yosano wore her hair loose the first day she was back. I was expecting her to tie those silky strands into a pair of constricting pigtail braids to show how angry she is that I jilted her. You can just imagine how hard I tried not to look at her with such hunger and longing. That deep brown hair falling like a curtain to hide her brilliant blue eyes; her long, sweeping eyelashes; the Cupid's bow mouth.

I wanted to reach out and touch her, feeling my heart being crushed slowly, unable to accept the scene unfolding before me.

Suzume Yosana is healing her broken heart gracefully after I carelessly shattered it.

I guess I deserve what I am going through now.

**A/N: Let me know what you think. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**

**This is a series of Satsuki Shishio's POV as he ponders about Suzume Yosano, a highschool girl he fell in love with but was forced to leave alone due to the inappropriate circumstances of being her Homeroom teacher. **

**If you are wondering what I intend to do about this series, honestly, I don't know. I've been pondering about writing a one-shot for this fandom, but I realized, one shots are not good enough for me. But I am too busy to commit a legit series because I might not be able to spend more time than I wanted to. And in turn, I may disappoint people. **

**So like my Horimiya attempts, I decided to do small interrelated stories to explore more on Satsuki Shishio's depth of love towards Suzume. That way, I can satisfy the cravings I have when I feel the urge to write something else other than Uta-no Prince sama which I regularly update.**

**Do check out this manga if you happen to just stumble upon my work. I may be putting some spoilers here, so be warned!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my ramblings here.**

**Sushi Tie**

I stared at the piece of silk on my hand.

I've been staring at it for half an hour. I know I will be late, but I don't seem to care for the moment.

_Should I wear it? Or not._

I closed my eyes and found myself being haunted by her blue eyes.

No. It would only confuse her if I wear it today. Have I not hurt her enough?

I dropped the tie reluctantly on the bed and turned to grab a somber navy blue from my closet.

The sushi tie may be garish, given by a special girl with no taste. But it's precious to me. Because _she _gave it while her head is filled with precious thoughts of me.

I successfully tied the piece of silk around the collars of my neck and stared at the mirror, noting the melancholic expression on my face.

Sushi ties are supposed to make the wearer jolly.

But I don't feel jolly when I see it. I feel like crying.

**A/N: Let me know what you think. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**

**This is a series of Satsuki Shishio's POV as he ponders about Suzume Yosano, a highschool girl he fell in love with but was forced to leave alone due to the inappropriate circumstances of being her Homeroom teacher. **

**For the moment I am picking up random objects and turning them into somber topics for dear Satsuki Shishio. He has such a lot of things going on his mind right now, and I kind of feel like everything on his house reminds him of Suzume. How pathetic is that? But I still find it somewhat endearing.**

**Do check out this manga if you happen to just stumble upon my work. I may be putting some spoilers here, so be warned!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my ramblings here.**

**Test Paper**

_Suzume Yosano._

I stared back at the name written neatly on top of the paper I was holding. I knew I shouldn't be spending my Saturday afternoon grading history essays, but if I don't do them now, I would be facing a mountain of paperwork by next week.

My hand brushed the back of the paper. And I felt the indentations made by the ballpoint pen behind.

It was obvious that _she _spent some time pondering on what to answer on question number 23, due to the fact that she doodled a bit on the sides of the paper.

I have encountered so many things a student does on his or her test papers that nothing seems to surprise me anymore. Some students will scribble names of their crushes on the sides; plans for a meeting during the weekend; a name of a plushy toy shop a few blocks away. Sometimes I look forward to the things they write at the edges. It tells a lot about my students.

However.

I tapped rear end of my pen, still holding Chun-Chun's paper. Her papers are only filled with doodles. Endless curls, circles and crisscrossing lines. My finger traced her name.

Suzume Yosano's paper reflects her confusion and sadness.

A drop of water splashed her name, and the ink spread into a spidery flower formation.

I wiped away the traces left behind by my single tear. I quickly graded her test and shoved it between the piles of finished tests as if my hands were scorched.

I hurt her. And her hurt and sadness seems to seeped into the sheet I was holding moments ago.

**A/N: Let me know what you think. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:**

**This is a series of Satsuki Shishio's POV as he ponders about Suzume Yosano, a highschool girl he fell in love with but was forced to leave alone due to the inappropriate circumstances of being her Homeroom teacher. **

**For the moment I am picking up random objects and turning them into somber topics for dear Satsuki Shishio. He has such a lot of things going on his mind right now, and I kind of feel like everything on his house reminds him of Suzume. How pathetic is that? But I still find it somewhat endearing.**

**Do check out this manga if you happen to just stumble upon my work. I may be putting some spoilers here, so be warned!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my ramblings here.**

**Music Box**

Bright, sparkly and old fashioned. It's gold, green and yellow colors beckoned to me. I could not resist picking it up.

A small exquisite-looking music box sitting on the 4th shelf of a glass display a few feet away from me. It caught my eye instantly, and before I knew it, I was picking it up and holding it for a closer inspection.

The box is made of enamel, with yellow roses painted on the sides, ivy leaves decorated with green crystal. I flicked the brass lock open and a small girl bedecked in a green flowing dress, her arms poised outward stared back at me.

Such a beautifully made porcelain figure.

The music box cranked a melodious sound, and I could not help but smile.

_Chun-chun will love this!_

My smile faltered. What the hell was I thinking?

Reluctantly, my hand lowered. About to place the box down and close the lid, instead, I smelled freesias and apple blossoms.

I whirled about, half-expecting to find her standing behind me. Instead, I saw a girl about her height, walked past me.

Suzume Yosano may not be cursing me for hurting her, but fate sure has a way of reminding me just how much damaged I had done to a young girl's heart. I even see her when I'm not supposed to.

The girl I followed with my eyes turned slightly, and I recognized her profile.

_It is really her. _My jaw dropped.

Suzume Yosano looked incredibly pretty with her hair combed to shiny perfection, eyes dolled up and expertly curled. A hint of blush on her cheeks, a trace of pink on her lips.

Her friend probably made her up, I thought as my eyes ate their fill of her.

Did she not notice me in the shop? Am I no longer visible to her?

I shouldn't be here. I was just browsing around the shop looking for a gift on a Saturday afternoon. I did not realize that the shop I went into is popular on high school students.

Suzume moved away and disappeared around the corner. I made a gesture of following her, but decided against it. Eventhough I am not officially a professor during the weekends, I still need to get a grip on myself not to pounce on her. I have her reputation to think of. And mine.

"Sir? Are you buying that?"

The query startled me, and I looked down to see the music box I was admiring rests on my hands as I stand in front of the counter.

My face reddened in embarrassment. I nodded sheepishly, placing the box carefully and pulling out my wallet, prepared to pull out a wad of my precious money.

Surprisingly, the box is on sale. My brow knotted together unable to believe my eyes.

It cost even less than I anticipated. In fact it was quite cheap for such an exquisite box.

Are they insane? The box should have cost a lot more! I cringed inwardly, counting my change as the woman wrapped the box with protective bubble sheet before placing it inside a white cardboard box.

"For a gift?" she fluttered expectantly.

"Yes." I blurted out.

The woman needs no further information. She placed the white cardboard box inside a pretty purple and black wrapping paper before expertly tying it with a lacy white ribbon.

I stumbled out of the shop, somewhat still astonished by my fortunate [or is it unfortunate?] find. I was even bracing myself for the call from the assistant to tell me they made a mistake on the price of the box.

But they never did.

I peered down at the wrapped present and sighed.

When I looked up, my eyes instantly met hers.

Suzume Yosano is looking at me directly. I found myself holding my breath. My heart racing like mad.

She turned away when someone called her name, quickly disappearing into the crowd of shoppers.

Our eye contact was brief. It was over in a second. My racing heart slowed down to its usual dull ache.

_I wish.. _I thought fervently. _I wish things would have been different. _

Clutching the paper bag, I turned away in the opposite direction, defeated and crushed. The prospect of shopping and keeping my mind off her is no longer feasible.

**A/N: Let me know what you think. **


	6. Chapter 6

07/13/2014

**A/N:**

**Hmmm. Satsuki Shishio has turned his pessimistic attitude around and began to seriously court Suzume again. Your thoughts based on the latest chapter of the manga? **

**I personally should think, he should at least let her graduate high school before earnestly pursuing her again. I mean, really? Sigh…**

**Never the less, Satsuki is still a perfect subject for my angst-driven mind. So check out the latest chapter. He's growing a little on me, I guess.**

**Do check out this manga if you happen to just stumble upon my work. I may be putting some spoilers here, so be warned!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my ramblings here.**

**Band aids**

"Owww!"

I looked up from where I was sitting inside the teacher's office, red pen hovering over today's quiz papers, partially finished with grading. Classes ended a half hour ago, though students take the remaining two hours to attend on club activities and make-up projects before the school grounds official closes its gates for the day.

"What happened?" Chigara-sensei placed another thick pile of binded reports on top of her table as she bends down to look.

From where I sat, Chigara-sensei's table is a few paces away from mine, and I can see Suzume Yosano putting a finger in her mouth.

"Oh, Suzume, don't be so careless. I have a staple wire remover here. You don't need to use your finger to separate the sheets." My colleague sighed. She normally asks some of her students to help prepare her things and learning materials. And today so happened to be her turn to help out.

Just letting the half hour tick by is a complete waste of time. Even as I tried so hard to concentrate on checking the test papers on hand, I keep on fidgeting in my seat, trying not look at her.

I gave up.

I continued to stare at Suzume's figure. Her back is facing my table. Her uniform looks rumpled and slightly messy. Suzume Yosano is one girl who never cares much about her appearance as long as she is comfortable. Other girls her age wouldn't be caught dead in such a condition. They would always try to be neat and impeccable always. Which is wrong, really. For even if they try to look their best, they are missing out on a lot of things by staying put and avoiding movement that will compromise their carefully prepped looks.

"Go to the clinic and get some band aids to cover the wound. And for heaven's sake! Don't suck on it like a child!" Shaking her head in exasperation, Chigara-sensei pushed the chair she was sitting on and stood up. "I'm going to the ladies' room. Finish the rest and you can go home."

"Sure." Unperturbed by her gentle scolding, Suzume continued to suck on her finger, watching sensei until she was out of the room.

As soon as the door closed behind her, she bend down her head and began to tidy up the papers in front of her, stapling sounds dominating the room.

There was only me and her now occupying the teacher's office. I wonder if she is even aware I'm still inside?

I promised myself I wouldn't touch her again. I promised myself I will only talk to her as a sensei. But this overwhelming sense of wanting to grab her and haul her inside the nearest storage closet rattled my nerves. How very easy would it be to force myself on her and make her cry again?

_Shame on you Shishio Makoto._

Without even thinking, my hands automatically went to the second drawer of my desk and pulled out a small box.

The low sound generated by the drawer made Suzume sat up straight. But she did not turned her head like so, instead, finishing her work as fast a she could. I watched her staple several papers in record speed, and the pile on her side began to thin.

_So she was aware of me after all. _My heart began to pound like a roaring hammer in my ears.

And before I knew it. I was standing behind her in a flash, startling her by my sudden movement, the disturbance in the air lifting a few strands of her hair away from her face, that she dropped the stapler she is holding with a loud clatter.

"Wash your wounds before you go and cover it with these." I said to her, my voice deep and husky. She is so close. I only need to reach out with my hand and I would be able to touch her petal-soft skin again, run a finger on her lower jaw, bend my head to inhale her heady, clean scent.

Suzume Yosana looked up at me, expression blank, her big blue eyes hypnotizing me. She was neither smiling nor frowning and I found myself looking down at her moist lips.

_So close and yet so far. _A great, big sigh escaped between my lips.

"Thanks." She said in a normal tone of voice. She was not even breathless, nor sounding even squeaky. She acted like she is still in a classroom. My presence did not even made her anxious or flustered!

My face began to warm a little with embarrassment. _You fool! _I told myself. Don't ruin this for her! Stop confusing her!

I took a step back, intent on leaving her to finish her work. I can smoke outside and let her leave first. It's fairly obvious, at least to myself that I wanted to touch her so very badly. I don't want to give her the impression that I am such a cad for harassing a student.

Still, seeing her up close is good. Maybe tonight, when I go to sleep I will touch her all I want and no one will prevent me.

My jaw tightened, and I pivoted on my heel, only to be caught by her hand reaching out to pull at the sleeve of my polo shirt.

Confused, heart on my mouth, the look of surprise on my face made her blush a bit.

"Can you help me put it on my finger? I am too clumsy when it comes to these." She gestured at the box.

I swallowed slowly. "Sure." I said as nonchalantly as I could; yet my fingers trembled slightly. My insides going haywire. I feel like my heart is about to burst out of my chest.

I quickly grabbed the bottle of antiseptic and cottons balls that I have inside my personal medicine box. I'm the type who likes to be prepared, despite this school having a standard clinic to handle small emergency cases students get themselves into.

Quickly dousing the cotton ball with the antiseptic liquid, I took the hand she held out, noting the small scratch and deep puncture the stainless steel wire made on her finger. I tried to savor the feeling of our skin-to-skin contact. It's been a long time since I held her slender hand.

"This won't sting." I told her reassuringly, as I began to wipe the wound and cleaned it. She sucked out most of the blood, but there are still some oozing out from the wound.

Finally satisfied that I cleaned it as best as I could, I threw the used cotton ball on the trash bin beside Chigara-sensei's desk. Opening the box of band aids I dropped in front of her, I peeled off the wrapper and began to position it on her finger.

It was then that I finally notice her hand is trembling a little as well. Stunned by this discovery, I averted my gaze on the wound. My eyes caught her eyes.

And for that short second, I was taken back to the time I first realized how much I really, really like her.

I gulped, my ears reddening with warmth. Suzume Yosano's eyes are so blue, they seemed to glow with inner fire. Will she slap me if I suddenly bend down to kiss her softly on the lips?

_No, no, no! _

I blinked, and the spell was suddenly broken. My fingers finished taping the band aid to cover the wound.

I held her hand for a moment. Only for a moment, and then I felt it slipped away from my grip.

"Thank you, Shishio-sensei." She said in a soft voice, standing up and breezing past me, leaving a tiny trail of lily-scent perfume. Her hair floated about her shoulders. And as she glided away towards the door, opening it gently and closing it behind her, she never once looked back at me.

I stood there for quite some time, wondering for _nth _time, why the hell I let her go.

**A/N: Let me know what you think. **


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